Kyrie, Eleison

"Kyrie, eleison." is Greek for "Lord, have mercy on us." It's an excerpt of Mozart's Requiem in D minor and literally any other rendition of a Catholic mass (translated or not). I suppose I'm drawn to it because, like most teenagers, I enjoy things brimming with emotion and feeling. It's a very moving piece that I may have listened to nearly 100 times by now and, at this moment, it's keeping me up and driving me to say stuff at 4:30 AM.

Realistically speaking, I'm up right now due to a long chain of reasons that boils down to me being afraid. Being afraid gets me to ignore responsibilities, which relieves me of early compromises, which allows me stay up late carefree, which ruins my sleeping habit. Why must everything worthwhile require an amount of effort? Do I really have to practice the piano daily for about a year to get the hang of it? Is it really necessary to dedicate yourself to anything? These sound like lame questions out of a self-help book, but I really find myself subconsciously asking them. What's worse, though, is I find them ridiculous to even suffice as legitimate questions. For some reason, I truly think I know the answer to these and find myself in this situation due to mere laziness.

I guess one thing that helps people do things is some sort of instinctive need to be useful. Beyond survival, humanity continues striving. As far as I can tell, nobody even reads this blog, yet I still brought myself to update it again. Maybe this post itself was just a goal-less ramble with nothing to really express. Then again, it's now 4:42 and I haven't seen my psychologist in possibly a month now. Among many things, time is something I haven't been keeping track of. Oh well--something to fix, I reckon.

If I do manage to consistently update this thing on a fair frequency, I'll make sure to include songs/pieces with them from now on. This's entry's inclusion will be the famous introitus and Kyrie of Mozart's Requiem:

Intro

This was written hours before creating this blog. My intentions have since developed.

Immediately upon beginning to write this, I realized how little I know about hip-hop and music in general. Sure, I might have "grown up" listening to this genre - a habit that may or may not have expanded in high school when I began listening to older and other abstract works within it. It could also be my gradually-increasing (beginner’s) appreciation for the likes of jazz and classical that would qualify me as a a credible analyzer of music. I might’ve even taken a semester or two of Chorus to provide me with the experience to professionally approach this task. Yes, with all those mental resources for me to draw from, my resume is complete - or so I thought. It all becomes clear once I try to gather the words to describe such a large and enigmatic concept to people outside of my head. Too bad.

I don’t want to doubt myself too much, however. It is the opinion of my psychologist and myself that I actually have some positive aspects to my personality - one of them being my intelligence. I could easily dismiss that as false by reminding myself of where I currently am in life, but I suppose that wouldn’t get me anywhere either. However, at the same time, I can’t, by any means, assume that my supposed intelligence transcends any need for assistance and true effort on this project. This balance of confidence and humbleness is something I’ve frequently failed to bear. Thus, to those reading this, feel free to provide whatever you’d like here. Criticism, advice, suggestions, motivation, and literally anything else is accepted. Hell, if you want to send me a picture of your dick, I’ll accept it. While I’m fairly positive that I possess the capability of writing something worthwhile, I also recognize that I can only really do that if I actually put my mind into it and encourage help from others.
Anyway, I have no projections of the result of this project; I only have goals at the moment. My current motivation stems from doing nothing for too long and the urge to better understand music, so those may or may not shape the outcome of this. I also don’t know how long this will take, but I’m almost certain it will take a while. Currently, my hopes include a broad, yet concise, detailing and perhaps even definitive history/guide to this genre called hip-hop. Writing this entry has reminded me how long/difficult of a path this will be regardless of what I try to accomplish here, but I suppose that’s what will make it all worthwhile.

With that in mind, I can now begin, again.